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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
War
Attached
Toys
Christmas
Scary
Launcher
Miss
Bayonet
Case
Bayonets
Missing
Rocket
Cases
Rockets
More quotes by Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle