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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Plastic
Trees
Christmas
Ones
Tree
Tell
Hard
Real
Aluminum
More quotes by Milton Berle
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
