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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Tree
Tell
Hard
Real
Aluminum
Plastic
Trees
Christmas
Ones
More quotes by Milton Berle
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
