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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Things
List
Lists
Christmas
Son
Money

More quotes by Milton Berle

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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle