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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Son
Money
Things
List
Lists
Christmas

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle