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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
List
Lists
Christmas
Son
Money
Things

More quotes by Milton Berle

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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle