Quote

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Three
Neighbour
Kids
Santa
Cheap
Tells
Christmas
Suicide
Blanks
Committed
Claus
Talk
Shoots

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
Image
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
Image
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
Image
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Image
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
Image
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
Image
For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
Image
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
Image
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
Image
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
Image
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Image
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Image
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
Image
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
Image
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
Image
Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle