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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Committed
Claus
Talk
Shoots
Three
Neighbour
Kids
Santa
Cheap
Tells
Christmas
Suicide
Blanks
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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