Quote

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Three
Neighbour
Kids
Santa
Cheap
Tells
Christmas
Suicide
Blanks
Committed
Claus
Talk
Shoots

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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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