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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Suicide
Blanks
Committed
Claus
Talk
Shoots
Three
Neighbour
Kids
Santa
Cheap
Tells
Christmas
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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