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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Suicide
Blanks
Committed
Claus
Talk
Shoots
Three
Neighbour
Kids
Santa
Cheap
Tells
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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