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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Orthopedic
Puny
Bulbs
Christmas
Tree
Used
Orthopedics

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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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