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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Used
Orthopedics
Orthopedic
Puny
Bulbs
Christmas
Tree

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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