Quote

One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Songs
Along
Says
Wife
Song
Pout
Better
Shout
Going
Christmas
Cry

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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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