Quote

One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Songs
Along
Says
Wife
Song
Pout
Better
Shout
Going
Christmas
Cry

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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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