Quote

One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Better
Shout
Going
Christmas
Cry
Songs
Along
Says
Wife
Song
Pout

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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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