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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Give
Everything
Giving
Men
Christmas
Figure
Figures

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle