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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Give
Everything
Giving
Men
Christmas
Figure
Figures

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle