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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Figures
Wife
Give
Everything
Giving
Men
Christmas
Figure

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle