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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Figures
Wife
Give
Everything
Giving
Men
Christmas
Figure

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle