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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Men
Christmas
Figure
Figures
Wife
Give
Everything
Giving

More quotes by Milton Berle

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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle