Quote

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Year
Lasts
Nephew
Last
Drums
Family
Shopping
Music
Department
Whole
Christmas
Years
Brother

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
Image
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
Image
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
Image
Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
Image
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
Image
I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
Image
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
Image
Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
Image
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
Image
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
Image
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
Image
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
Image
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Image
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle