Quote

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Year
Lasts
Nephew
Last
Drums
Family
Shopping
Music
Department
Whole
Christmas
Years
Brother

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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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