Quote

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Family
Shopping
Music
Department
Whole
Christmas
Years
Brother
Wife
Year
Lasts
Nephew
Last
Drums

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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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