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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gifts
Christmas
Tomorrow
Today
Always
Consoling
Garage
Sales

More quotes by Milton Berle

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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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