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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Sales
Gifts
Christmas
Tomorrow
Today
Always
Consoling
Garage

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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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