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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Always
Consoling
Garage
Sales
Gifts
Christmas
Tomorrow
Today

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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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