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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gifts
Christmas
Tomorrow
Today
Always
Consoling
Garage
Sales

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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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