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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Tomorrow
Today
Always
Consoling
Garage
Sales
Gifts
More quotes by Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle