Quote

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Year
Friends
Hard
Years
Suburbs
Never
December
Gifts
Christmas
Early

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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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