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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Early
Year
Friends
Hard
Years
Suburbs
Never
December
Gifts
More quotes by Milton Berle
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
