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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Friends
Hard
Years
Suburbs
Never
December
Gifts
Christmas
Early
Year
More quotes by Milton Berle
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
