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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gift
Gadget
Saws
Gadgets
Asked
Answered
Looking
Store
Doesn
Department
Young
Stores
Anything
Christmas
Weird
More quotes by Milton Berle
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
