Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Giving
Wouldn
Made
Terrible
Mistake
Wife
Lasts
Swear
Last
Fancy
Didn
Christmas
Give
Gift
More quotes by Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle