Quote

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Bought
Boss
Christmas
Gift
Great
Leaky
Ants
Farm
Farms

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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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