Quote

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Bought
Boss
Christmas
Gift
Great
Leaky
Ants
Farm
Farms

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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle