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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gift
Great
Leaky
Ants
Farm
Farms
Bought
Boss
Christmas

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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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