Quote

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Five
Dollar
Used
Twenty
Christmas
Mink
Twenties
Certificate
Dollars
Certificates
Gift
Coat
Gave
Payment
Wife
Coats

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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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