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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gift
Bigger
Gave
Certificate
Wife
Certificates
Exchange
Ran
Christmas
Size

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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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