Quote

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gift
Bigger
Gave
Certificate
Wife
Certificates
Exchange
Ran
Christmas
Size

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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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