Quote

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Size
Gift
Bigger
Gave
Certificate
Wife
Certificates
Exchange
Ran
Christmas

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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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