Quote

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gave
Certificate
Wife
Certificates
Exchange
Ran
Christmas
Size
Gift
Bigger

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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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