Quote

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Exchange
Ran
Christmas
Size
Gift
Bigger
Gave
Certificate
Wife
Certificates

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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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