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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Bought
Christmas
Broke
Yesterday
Son
Car
Driveway
Left
Indestructible
Toys
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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