Quote

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Car
Driveway
Left
Indestructible
Toys
Bought
Christmas
Broke
Yesterday
Son

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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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