Quote

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Toys
Bought
Christmas
Broke
Yesterday
Son
Driveway
Car
Left
Indestructible

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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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