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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Bats
Flew
Bought
Christmas
Son
Year
Away

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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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