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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Bats
Flew
Bought
Christmas
Son
Year
Away

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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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