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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Son
Year
Away
Years
Bats
Flew
Bought
Christmas

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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