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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Chairs
Bought
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair

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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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