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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Bought
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair
Chairs

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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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