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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair
Chairs
Bought

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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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