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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair
Chairs
Bought
Christmas
Law
Mother
More quotes by Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
