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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair
Chairs
Bought
More quotes by Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
