Quote

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Chairs
Bought
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug
Plugs
Chair

More quotes by Milton Berle

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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle