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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Plugs
Chair
Chairs
Bought
Christmas
Law
Mother
Beautiful
Plug

More quotes by Milton Berle

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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle