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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Mouth
Mouths
Ideals
Battery
Gift
Operated
Law
Batteries
Mother
Bought
Ideal
Christmas
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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