Quote

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Mouth
Mouths
Ideals
Battery
Gift
Operated
Law
Batteries
Mother
Bought
Ideal

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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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