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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Mother
Bought
Ideal
Christmas
Mouth
Mouths
Ideals
Battery
Gift
Operated
Law
Batteries
More quotes by Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle