Quote

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gift
Operated
Law
Batteries
Mother
Bought
Ideal
Christmas
Mouth
Mouths
Ideals
Battery

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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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