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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Mother
Bought
Ideal
Christmas
Mouth
Mouths
Ideals
Battery
Gift
Operated
Law
Batteries
More quotes by Milton Berle
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle