Quote

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Aren
Came
Battery
Operated
Batteries
Included
Christmas

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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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