Quote

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Battery
Operated
Batteries
Included
Christmas
Aren
Came

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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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