Quote

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Batteries
Included
Christmas
Aren
Came
Battery
Operated

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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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