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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Year
Expensive
Used
Christmas
Give
Doctors
Brandy
Giving
Gave
Suggested
Every
Drink
Bottle
Years
Told
Bottles
Name
Boss
Names
Doctor
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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