Quote

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Name
Boss
Names
Doctor
Year
Expensive
Used
Christmas
Give
Doctors
Brandy
Giving
Gave
Suggested
Every
Drink
Bottle
Years
Told
Bottles

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
Image
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
Image
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
Image
Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
Image
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
Image
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Image
For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
Image
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
Image
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
Image
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
Image
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Image
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
Image
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
Image
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
Image
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle