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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Feel
Insecure
Feels
Received
Sent
Count
Cards
Christmas
Number
Numbers
More quotes by Milton Berle
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
