Quote

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Count
Cards
Christmas
Number
Numbers
Feel
Insecure
Feels
Received
Sent

More quotes by Milton Berle

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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle