Quote

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Number
Numbers
Feel
Insecure
Feels
Received
Sent
Count
Cards
Christmas

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
Image
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
Image
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
Image
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
Image
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Image
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
Image
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
Image
Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
Image
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
Image
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
Image
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Image
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
Image
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
Image
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
Image
I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
Image
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle